1. Do not, under any circumstances, say any variation of “How could you do this to us?” It is most assuredly not about you or your feelings. It is not about doing something to you or throwing something in your face. If she is telling you, she is asking for your help, your support, and your love.

2. Do not assume to know how she got pregnant or by whom. Don’t threaten her significant other (if she has one) and do not go down the trail of “my poor little daughter.” It takes two to tango. Unless she was raped, in which case, there is due process and you threatening to kill someone is not going to help either way.
3. Do not tell her how it is going to be. She has potentially made some very adult decisions already without your help. You are there to guide and help her, but ultimately it is her body that she has made a choice with. Lay out her options. Perhaps you can suggest she start receiving prenatal care, have the baby, go back to school while you take care of the baby and support her through this transition, or start receiving prenatal care, look into adoption agencies to place the baby with a loving family. She may have other options and opinions that can be talked through. Every family is different and has different ideas.

4. Do not talk down to her or give ultimatums. Pregnant woman are known to be emotional, teenagers are known to be emotional. Pregnant teenage girls are going to likely be emotional. Treating your beloved daughter with unkindness over a lapse in decision-making will not bode well for you.

5. Don’t throw her out. Teen girls on the street do not fare well. Teen girls who are pregnant less so. People can and will take advantage of girls in desperate situations. She may have broken your family rules and expectations. Alternatively maybe she didn’t and feels ashamed to say she was raped. Either way, she will need a home, a soft place to land, and all the love that you can give.

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• 273,105 babies were born to women ages 15 to 19 in 2013

• There were 26.5 births for every 1,000 girls ages 15 to 19 in 2013

• 89 percent of teenage parents are unmarried

• Approximately 77 percent of teenage pregnancies are unplanned

• It is estimated that 15 percent of teen pregnancies end in miscarriage

• Roughly 30 percent of teenage pregnancies end in abortion

• Parenthood is the leading reason that teen girls drop out of school. More than 50 percent of teen mothers never graduate from high school. While there are increasingly more programs to mitigate this, it is important to note that a lack of education can lead to a lifetime of poverty in families without support.

• About 25 percent of teen moms have a 2nd child within 24 months of their first baby. This is largely due to misconceptions about the ability to get pregnant right after having a baby.

• When it comes to college education, less than 2 percent of teen moms can earn degree by age 30.

• One of the highest teen pregnancy rates in the western industrialized world is found in the United States, largely, it is thought, due to false beliefs about conception, and a general lack of knowledge about sex and pregnancy in teens.

• In 2011, the teen birth rate in the United States fell to the lowest level recorded in nearly 70 years of tracking teen childbearing.

• In 2008, the teen pregnancy rate among African American and Hispanic teen girls, ages 15 to 19, was over two and a half times higher than the teen pregnancy rate among Caucasian teen girls of the same age group.

• 8 out of 10 teen dads don’t marry the mother of their child leaving the mother and/or grandparents to rear the child.

• Roughly 4 in 10 teenage girls who had sex at 13 or 14 report sex was unwanted or involuntary meaning either they were pressured into it by peers, or they were raped outright.

• A sexually active teen who doesn’t use contraceptives has a 90 percent chance of becoming pregnant within a year. Teens are often at the height of fertility and “just once” can be all it takes to end up with an unexpected pregnancy.

Are you considering placing a child for adoption? Not sure what to do next? First, know that you are not alone. Visit Adoption.org or call 1-800-ADOPT-98 to speak to one of our Options Counselors to get compassionate, nonjudgmental support. We are here to assist you in any way we can.

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